Former Rep. Michele Bachmann Launches 2016 Presidential Bid

Michele Bachmann (Gage Skidmore)
Michele Bachmann (Gage Skidmore)

By Billy Dane

Former Rep. Michele Bachmann is coming out of retirement to run for president again.

“God came to me in a dream, told me he was not happy with any of the presidential candidates and commanded me to run again,” said Bachmann in a campaign launch hosted at an Evangelical church.

Bachmann also said God told her to run in 2012, even though she quickly dropped out of the race. God also told Rick Santorum, Rick Perry and Ben Carson to all run for president.

When asked why God told her to launch a failed campaign in 2012, Bachmann said, “God was testing how faithful I was. He commanded and I obeyed. It’s not for me to ask why people didn’t vote for me in 2012.”

Bachmann was a controversial congresswoman renowned for her incorrect statements. During the 2012 presidential debates she didn’t know Libya was in Africa and claimed the HPV vaccine caused mental retardation. She also claimed that she and her husband Marcus had never received a penny from the federal government, even though they had received $260,000 in farm subsidies. Marcus Bachmann’s clinic, which provides counselling for gay people who want to become straight, also received $161,000 in state and federal funding.

Marcus Bachmann was excited about embarking on another presidential campaign.

“I think it’s a fabulous idea,” he said. “I can’t wait to get out on the campaign trail and start picking out Michele’s outfits.”


  1. The science fiction writer David Gerrold posted a link to this on Facebook. I’m reading the reaction from his “friends,” and I just can’t stop laughing.

  2. First of all, I thought they were getting a divorce. Second, we don’t need another idiot in the race. What a waste of time and money.

  3. Are you serious, Bachman? Why don’t you save your money and stay on the farm; you are too dumb to run a driving school let alone a nation. Where these freaking “God” people come from?

  4. Oh yeah? Well God came to ME in a dream and said that none of the Republicans running for President should be running and that includes Michele Bachmann.

  5. IF there is truly a “Christian God” where the hell was he when our soldier sons and daughters were getting blown up in Iraq and Afghanistan? Why was He instead spending His time telling so many Republicans to run for President? What kind of God ignores the peoples of the world being slaughtered, starved, kidnapped, etc, to ignore them and encourage American Republican unqualified fools to run for office. I think that God must be a Democrat and all of these rightwing idiots fell for it. Jeezus he even whispered to Rick Perry’s wife for her to tell her husband to run. I think most of these fools live in the Emerald City and truly believe the guy behind the curtain is actually their God.

  6. I think God told her to run away from politics. She misunderstood the message. There is no more room in the clown tent. All the circus rings are already taken.

  7. I can’t wait for Thursday, to witness the Republican Party eats it young. This will be more fun than a back yard barbecue.

  8. The earth was dark through misapprehension of the Gods. There are currently 5000 gods being worshiped throughout the world. All of them created in the image of mankind and all practicing violence in an attempt to gain Blind obedience without understanding! Even those who claim to have worshiped the “one true god” ascribed to him the same violent characteristics of all the other gods! Violence will never achieve what we all say we want, PEACE and LOVE.

    Many fundamentalist Christians still hold to that Theology of the old testament and so believe that god will punish all of us for what they consider “sin.” That strikes fear in their hearts” and fear robs us of health and joy, it paralyzes our wills and stunts our growth, it makes us emotionally unstable. It causes us to judge others. Ignorance causes fear. Knowledge dispels it.. “Free at last, Free at last.” No more fear!Mal. 4:2. God is not looking for those who “fear God” but those who: Trust Jesus the Great High Priest:
    …15For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. 16Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.

    In Isaiah’s day the spiritual understanding of mankind was dark through misapprehension of God. Long had Satan sought to lead men to look upon their Creator as the author of sin and suffering and death. Those whom he had thus deceived, imagined that God was hard and exacting. They regarded Him as watching to denounce and condemn, unwilling to receive the sinner so long as there was a legal excuse for not helping him. The law of love by which heaven is ruled had been misrepresented by the archdeceiver as a restriction upon men’s happiness, a burdensome yoke from which they should be glad to escape. He declared that its precepts could not be obeyed and that the penalties of transgression were bestowed arbitrarily.

    In losing sight of the true character of Jehovah, the Israelites were without excuse. Often had God revealed Himself to them as one “full of compassion, and gracious, long-suffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth

  9. Somewhere poor Abraham Lincoln is rolling over and over in his grave. Look at what these people are doing to his party.

    This is the best the Republicans can do?! multiple retreads from 2012; Donald Chump, err, Trump; yet another Bush; and Ms. Bachmann, A-G-A-I-N…

    Go, Bernie, Go!

  10. Her husband says: “I can’t wait to get out on the campaign trail and start picking out Michele’s outfits.” And HE is curing gays?

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