FOX News Hires Ex-Porn Star Jenna Jameson as Pundit

Jenna Jameson (Peta)
Jenna Jameson (Peta)

By Billy Dane

FOX News has hired former porn queen Jenna Jameson to provide commentary on the 2016 elections. FOX News President Roger Ailes said Jameson would be a big hit with their male viewers.

“Jenna’s previous appearances have proven popular, so we’re delighted to welcome her back,” said Ailes. Jameson had previously appeared on “The O’Reilly Factor.”

Jameson has been divorced twice, had a drug problem, and used to make her living screwing men and women on camera. But Ailes said she holds conservative values. Jameson, who was a practicing Catholic even when she was doing porn, is currently converting to Judaism for her fiance, Lior Bitton, a jewelry store owner.

In 2012, Jameson came out in support of Mitt Romney, saying that if you were rich, you ought to vote Republican. Romney said he planned to install software on all computers that would have blocked porn.

Jameson said she hoped appearing on FOX would allow her to voice her political views and also gain some new fans.

Ailes said he was confident Jameson would make a great political pundit.

“If we can turn an airhead like Stacey Dash into a pundit, anything is possible,” said Ailes in an internal memo. “It doesn’t matter what Jenna says. I’m counting on horny, old men to watch her with a bottle of lube in one hand and a bottle of Viagra in the other.”

32 comments

    • The reason they hired her is that we’re all going to be royally screwed after this election. They needed an expert to describe that.

  1. Please stop perpetuating the myth that women who enjoy sex are dumb. It is seriously screwing up my ability to get laid.

  2. Not a surprise. Many Porn Actors lean Libertarian. I recall a gal who was an Industry Vet ran for Mayor of Las Vegas on the Independent/Libertarian ticket a couple of years ago. Libertarian is basically a mix of Heinleinian philosophy, Adam Smith Capitalism and Lassiez-Faire positions on Social Issues. Any citizen may air their views.

  3. I don’t think porn is immoral, but what would the pillars of the Christian and Jewish churches say? Is this cafeteria style religion or just super shallow?

  4. Honestly I miss the days of classy female news reporters like Barbara Walters , Diane Sawyer, etc. Those who didn’t have to use sex appeal to be taken seriously & report the news to us. These days the females I see on news programs look like nothing more than eye candy. I find it more satisfying to listen to the news rather than watch it & even listening most times disappoints. Whatever happened to dressing professionally? Women want to be treated as equals and taken seriously and then they stoop to the level of using sex appeal to get where they want to go.They allow themselves to be used as eye candy to attract viewers. I barely watch news on T.V. anymore and would rather read it from many different sources now and filter out all the visual distractions.

  5. Diane Sawyer was not a reporter, she was a host on GMA that convinced the News head she could get good ratings. I never heard Barbara Walters announce on the air she was going commando.

    • Sukie, this is a satire site. It’s comedy. This isn’t really happening. So, you can indeed laugh.

  6. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. LOL. LOL. LOL. LOL. I love roger Ailea. Can’t for every comedian in the country to grt a hold of this. Roger, thanks for keeping John Stewart around. HaHaHaHa

  7. Jameson has been divorced twice, had a drug problem, and used to make her living screwing men and women on camera.

    Definitely qualified for political commentary.

  8. Well… I’m sure Jenna’s IQ is on a par with the majority of Fox talking heads. Obviously they are not, & never were, a news network, just a gold mine for Murdoch, & a place where angry old white people can feel vindicated. There’s one super nasty trick she knows, I hope when the Tebuplicans go down in flames, Fox will allow her to demonstrate it on Bill O. America’s bedrooms will be rockin’.

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