BYU Student Found Masturbating With Engine Oil

Oil  handsBy Johnny Dexter

According to reports leaked to The Business Standard News, students at Brigham Young University have taken to unusual lengths to keep masturbating.

A male student recently reported to the health center with strange rashes on his genital area. Emails leaked to The Business Standard News, said that the student later admitted he had been masturbating with engine oil.

“Even though we cracked down on purchases of hand lotion and vaseline, students are looking to alternative methods to abuse themselves,” said Bob Whitbread, a spokesperson for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. “The student who was taken to the medical center was under the control of powerful masturbation demon. We are praying for him.”

As previously reported by The Business Standard News, the Mormon church has launched a war against masturbation. Utah Gov. Gary Herbert also recently declared pornography to be a ‘public health hazard.’